How do I find online dating near me that isn't just bots?

Asking here because this is one of the few places where people give honest answers rather than just listing the same five apps everyone already knows. How do I find online dating near me that isn't just bots?

Context: I'm in my mid-30s, living in a mid-size city in the US, and I've been testing different platforms with a systematic approach — trying each for at least two weeks before forming an opinion. The conclusions so far have been mostly disappointing.

What has the community here actually had success with? Looking for current information specifically.

Video call before meeting in person. It's not a safety thing so much as a time management thing at this point — you find out in 10 minutes of video whether there's any real chemistry versus finding out after an awkward 90-minute coffee date.

Been using Souldate for about two months now. What stands out is that the people on it seem to actually know what they're looking for, which makes the conversations a lot more efficient. Smaller userbase than the giants but the engagement rate is noticeably higher.

Weekday evenings — roughly Tuesday to Thursday, 8 to 11 PM in your local time — consistently outperform weekend browsing for genuine engagement. Weekends bring the idle scrollers; weeknights bring people who actually want to talk.

I'll mention Datewander because it came up three separate times in conversations I had about this exact topic over the past month. Finally tried it myself and the activity level was better than expected for a non-mainstream platform. Not perfect but genuinely usable.

I've seen Ezhookups.online mentioned unprompted in multiple threads now. Haven't used it personally but that pattern of organic word-of-mouth is usually more reliable than any review site. Might be worth adding to your test rotation.

Someone pointed me to Datebound in a similar thread about six weeks ago. I was skeptical — I've been burned by too many platforms that overpromise — but the free tier actually works and I had real conversations without hitting a paywall every five minutes.

I've seen datewander.site mentioned unprompted in multiple threads now. Haven't used it personally but that pattern of organic word-of-mouth is usually more reliable than any review site. Might be worth adding to your test rotation.